Supporting an Accused Student

When someone shares that they have been accused of sexual violence or dating violence it can be challenging to know how to respond and may bring up a variety of feelings for you.  

If you are a Northeastern community member looking to learn more about how to respond to someone accused of sexual violence, you can connect with OPEN’s confidential Community Consultation services by filling out this service request form. 

RESTORE: Restorative-Informed Response to Students Accused of Sexual Violence

We encourage people to offer a “restorative response” to help students move beyond feelings of isolation, sadness, shock, anger, anxiety, and self-blame towards accountability and growth. To offer a restorative response, reflect upon the following first: 

  • How are they feeling right now? Are you hearing frustration, sadness, fear, etc.? 
  • What are they asking for? What does it seem like they need? 
  • What resources can you offer them? 
  • Do you have an obligation to report what they are sharing with you? Do you want to report what they have shared? 
  • How are you feeling listening to what they have shared? 
  • What are your needs as a listener? Who can support your needs? 
  • What will your relationship look like moving forward with this person? 

RESTORE Strategy

The RESTORE strategy offers techniques for how to respond when someone shares they have engaged in and/or been accused of unhealthy or harmful sexual behavior. The strategy’s purpose is to increase the likelihood of them being open to connecting to resources and/or moving toward accountability.    

Realize that their responses may vary.

There is no one way someone will respond to being accused and their reactions don’t always reflect what happened or what the outcome will be. 

“I can see this is impacting you.”

Engage with a non-judgmental response.

Ask them, “what do you need?”. They may not know but it’s best to try to start a dialogue around needs versus trying to find the truth of what happened. 

“What do you need?”

“What would feel helpful?”

Show support by listening fully and openly to how they are feeling.

Sometimes you do not need words, giving your time and attention without distractions shows support. 

“I’m here to listen.”

Try to reflect back what you are hearing.

Understanding someone’s feelings, thoughts, or beliefs does not mean you agree or accept them.

“I can understand why being accused of hurting someone is difficult to hear.”

Own and honor what comes up for you.

Finding out someone you know has been accused can bring up a lot of feelings.  Listen to your feelings and think about what you need. 

“I’m not sure if I’m the best person to support you.”

Review and offer resources.

If they are interested in resources, share that they can connect with OPEN’s Confidential Resource Advising services that provide non-judgmental assistance and resource navigation for students accused of sexual violence. 

“I know some resources that can support you. Do you want me to share them with you?”

Establish how you want to move forward.

Depending on your relationship with the person, you may want to figure out how to continue being friends or decide that you need time to process what they shared. Know that it is okay if you change your mind. It may be helpful for you to talk to someone to reflect upon what is best for you.  OPEN’s Community Consultation services can offer confidential guidance. 

“I will send you all the information I have on OPEN’s services and let you decide what you want to do.”

RESTORE Canvas Course

OPEN offers a self-paced, free online course on the RESTORE Strategy to all members of the Northeastern community through Canvas. Participants will learn about restorative justice principles and philosophy, what shame is and how it is connected to accusations, additional considerations when you are Mandatory University Reporter, and campus resources available for support. 

Northeastern community members can self-enroll in the course here.  

Mandatory University Reporters

All Mandatory University Reporters are required to promptly report any and all information they receive about sexual misconduct, including sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape, via the designated University systems.  Please see Resources for Mandatory University Reporters on The Office for University Equity and Compliance website for information.   

In addition to the information explained above, it is important to share your reporting obligations with students and to explain that the Office for University and Compliance will reach out to them about next steps.  

Who are Mandatory University Reporters?

Mandatory University Reporters are any Northeastern employee who is NOT a confidential resource. This includes faculty, staff, on-site staff, resident assistants, orientation leaders, teaching assistants, graduate assistants, or any other student worker role where other students may reasonably believe obligate that student worker to report allegations of a Prohibited Offense. If you are not sure whether or not you are a Mandatory University Reporter, contact the Office for University Equity and Compliance at ouec@northeastern.edu.